How a Slytherin Gets Revenge
by RebeccaRoy
Summary: Remus Lupin loves to wind up Severus Snape after the war. Finally Severus Snaps and suddenly Remus Lupin wishes he had stopped when he had a chance. No slash!


_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own the characters of Harry Potter, these belong to that wonderful author JK Rowling and the various publishing companies used to publish her works. I am however borrowing them, no not to make money but for fun and fun only. Oh and Two Out of Three Aint Bad belongs to the artist Meatloaf._

_Summary:_

_Remus Lupin loves to wind up Severus Snape after the war. Finally Severus Snapes and suddenly Remus Lupin wishes he had stop when he had a chance. No slash!_

_I don't normally do song fics but decided to do so, and this is a prank by one Severus Snape too. This is a response to Protowilson's Severed comics over on devantart. I could see Severus snapping and doing this and having a lovely singing voice to boot. Oh and yes, Meatloaf the singer has a huge following in Europe and while I do like him there are many other bands I like better. The song I chose fits what Severus does perfectly here and that is why I chose it._

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Severus Snape had survived the war thank you very much. Harry Potter had worked hard to stop the dark lord in his fifth year with lots of help and so now peace reigned throughout the land. Sirius Black had survived and Severus really wished he hadn't, or maybe he did as had did make a handy punching bag. Remus Lupin had come to Hogwarts to teach History of Magic and Severus was really wishing the werewolf _wa_s history. To the students at the school it did not look as if the dour potions master was anything but calm and he was seated by the jigsaw puzzle mis-matched eyed former Auror Alastor Moody who was the defense teacher (and wasn't that _fun_) and would be for the foreseeable future as the curse was off the defense job.

Severus was at his wits end with Remus Lupin as Remus Lupin had taken to winding him up in a new way. Winding up Severus was far more fun for Remus than it was for Severus and Severus would have killed him if for the small fact he would end up in Azkaban if he did so. Remus loved women, as did Severus but Remus had taken to _hitting_ on Severus and Severus did not like that, no not at all. He was a live let live sort of bloke, never understood why a man would not like to be with women as women to him were, well he had lots of great things to say about woman but none about men. Oh and he really hated Remus hitting on him, his threats, the curses and hexes he threw around, the beatings had failed to work. So he went silent and seemed to ignore the werewolf.

Or so it seemed, his own house he was head of Slytherin (and quite a few Ravenclaw and one or two Hufflepuff but as far as he could see no Gryffindors) knew he was planning something. Something drastic and awful was going to happen and so they waited knowing that today was the day that something happened. So it was they were not surprised when Remus came into the great hall and took a seat by Severus on this cold snowing winters day. He started to flirt with Severus (he was dating Dora, everyone knew that but still he kept at this) who finished eating and wiped his mouth with his napkin and stood sighing putting a hand to his face. The hall went quiet, the something was about to happen, a hex? It was clear Severus was at his limit and he had snapped.

"Remus I am so very sorry." Severus said, "but I have pushed you away because, well because I cannot ever love you."

"Well I am flattered." Remus said getting a worried look on his face.

"I am sorry, I want you, I need you but there ain't no way I am ever going to love you." Severus said.

Harry who was seated eating his lunch stopped and looked up, he _knew_ what was going to happen, and yet he thought he was dreaming (at least he hoped until Hermione pinched him and he yelped), there was no way professor Snape was a Meatloaf fan! Sure he had a cult following of millions in Europe, far more than in his native land of America and sure many witches and wizards liked his music but professor Snape? No, no Harry had just mis-heard and that was that. Until he saw a piano appear in the corner of the room and start to play. If professor Snape started to sing than Harry knew Remus had pushed him too far, and so Harry braced himself as he was not sure that Snape could sing, until he started to and he had an amazing voice.

"_Baby we can talk all night _

_But that ain't gettin us nowhere _

_I told you everything I possibly can _

_There's nothing left inside of here _

_And maybe you can cry all night _

_But that'll never change the way I feel _

_The snow is really piling up outside _

_I wish you wouldn't make me leave here"_

"Well you can stay Severus, but I should go, I mean if you really, well I am flattered." Remus stammered heading to the door. Severus flew across the room to block his exit, "now really I had no idea…"

"_I poured it on and I poured it out _

_I tried to show you just how much I care _

_I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout _

_But you've been cold to me so long _

_I'm crying icicles instead of tears _

_And all I can do _

_Is keep on telling you _

_I want you (I want you) _

_I need you (I need you) _

_But-there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you _

_Now don't be sad (Don't be sad) _

_'Cause two out of three ain't bad _

_Now don't be sad (Cause) _

_'Cause two out of three ain't bad"_

The whole of the great hall had gone quite, and everyone was watching what was going on. McGonagall's lips had all but disappeared into a thin line, Moody's eyes were fixed on the two men and Dumbledore was watching with a twinkle in his eyes. Draco was smirking at the Slytherin table and Harry, Harry was realizing this was one big prank on Remus and did he ever deserve it. Snape was a good singer and Harry wished he was as good, sure he could carry a tune but not like this. Remus was looking stricken and a bit guilty and he moved from the door to Severus keeping up with him a glint in his eyes and an almost longing look on his face.

"_You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach _

_You'll never drill for oil on a city street _

_I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks _

_But there ain't no Coup de Ville _

_Hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box _

_I can't lie _

_I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not _

_No matter how I try _

_I'll never be able _

_To give you something _

_Something that I just haven't got"_

"Severus, I'I." Remus stammered.

"Hush, don't cry." Severus said gently caressing Remus's face, "there now, no tears."

"But…."

Somewhere there was a backup choir, yes Flitwick was leading several students in on the prank! For prank it was though Remus did not know this, he was too focused on Severus who followed the werewolf through the great hall. Harry saw Collin was filming the whole thing on a video camera that could work in Hogwarts. Remus was blushing and stammering and trying to get a word in edgewise but he could not, Severus finished the song with a flourish.

"_There's only one girl that I will ever love _

_And that was so many years ago _

_And though I know I'll never get her out of my heart _

_She never loved me back _

_Ooh I know _

_I remember how she left me on a stormy night _

_She kissed me and got out of our bed _

_And though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door _

_She packed her bags and turned right away _

_And she kept on telling me _

_She kept on telling me _

_She kept on telling me _

_I want you (I want you) _

_I need you (I need you) _

_But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you _

_Now don't be sad (Don't be sad) _

_'Cause two out of three ain't bad _

_I want you (I want you) _

_I need you (I need you) _

_But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you _

_Now don't be sad (Don't be sad) _

_'Cause two out of three ain't bad _

_Now don't be sad (Don't) _

_'Cause two out of three ain't bad"_

"Severus I am so sorry, I was trying to wind you up, I had no idea you really well…" Remus trailed off.

"Got it all sir!" Collin said brightly, "this will go good on the internet!"

"What?" Remus said looking stunned, "that was, you filmed that? What is the internet?"

"Go to it Mr. Creevey" Severus said turning back to Remus, "you will find that I can tolerate only so much from you Lupin, and I reached my edge with you months ago! Consider this payback you flea bitten monster!"

Remus stood mouth opening but no words came. Severus went to talk to Flitwick and Remus looked over at Harry who just shrugged, who was he to get between a Slytherin and his prey? Remus knew he had been had and he had to find out what the internet was, he heard of it of course and the internet, oh yes, it was something only a few people got on and so he had no fear of anything from that corner. He was completely humiliated but it would all blow over in a few weeks or maybe months.

2005, the launch of youtube:

Dora Tonks sat at her mag-tech computer and saw the new site called youtube. She went on it and typed in Meatloaf, one of her favorite bands as his music was catchy and fun to listen to. She was scrolling through it when she came on an interesting video and started to watch it.

"Remus come here, Remus!" Tonks shouted and Remus came forward, "I thought that video was destroyed?"

"Oh dear, you don't think this will get that large will you, this youtube and what does it mean by hits?"

"How many people have watched it."

"So two million people have seen 'How a Slytherin Gets Revenge'?" He squeaked, "oh dear…"

The End


End file.
